Revival Diaries: Stepping into the dark

I need to move forward, but I can’t see a goddamn thing.

It’s like a thick smoke I can feel on my skin, every minute that passes feels harder to move. I feel my heart breaking with each new detail echoing through this place. I don’t know where I am. Allegedly I grew up here but this isn’t what I thought it was. Wasn’t as safe as I thought it was. I squint my eyes and search the dark for any light to guide me. I’m so tired of searching, maybe if I cover my ears I can avoid the responsibility I feel for my part in this history.

But I know I can’t.

And just like that, I’m different. Just like that, I’m stepping forward into the dark.

With all that’s been happening in the news and the general sense of overwhelming sadness, anxiety and anger that comes with it, I’ve found myself in a bit of a quiet heap lately. I feel like I’m fighting the line between wanting to stay informed and wanting to protect my mental health, and honestly, it feels pretty freaking impossible to strike a balance.

It would be so easy for me to ignore it all and numb what I’m feeling with any distraction I can find. But honestly, this feels different to me, and because it feels so different I can’t quiet this feeling with another round of Vampire Diaries. But god I’d love to try.

The world feels a little dark right now and I’m not sure that staying still and staying quiet is within me anymore.

I want to learn how to stand up for my community, for those I love and for myself, even when all I have is a dark void and a real fear of drowning in my overwhelming emotions.

Honestly, I’ll try anything. And if you want to come with me, the more the freakin’ merrier.

The Revival Diaries will be a series of a blog posts around bringing myself back to life and moving forward through the doom and gloom of the current world, creating our own light to fight our way out. This won’t be a series about “visualizing the positive outcomes” or ignoring what’s happening in the world, this will be a place to find a way to move forward and fight for what you believe in in a way that also supports you.

I’m going to force myself to try a lot of things, some will resonate and some won’t. But I can’t do nothing, and honestly trying to take action and stand up for what I believe in authentically while writing about it is scary enough, but I know in my gut there’s others out there that feel the same way I do.

If this helps one other person know they’re not alone in feeling this way, then I’m already one up on Vampire Diaries in moving through what I feel and creating positive action.

If you feel the same, I’m right beside you. Let’s move.