Revival Diaries: Any movement at all

“This is so dumb,” I grumble to myself for the tenth time, finally taking my temper tantrum off the couch and over to the gym for the first time in a week.

While executive orders and feminine rage spent the week breaking my heart, I spent a lot of time allowing myself to rest, avoid, and do nothing other than feel what I feel.

There’s only so much my little nervous system can handle, and this week I learned that it truly didn’t take much else to leave me couch-bound for hours at a time.

There’s such a fine line between resting and hiding that, especially for me, tends to come packaged in a really nice looking rest day but in actuality is something quite different.

Listen, I’m an excellent rester (always have been), but I’m a top tier world champion at disguising my hiding behavior under the guise of a cozy blanket, bad attitude and a “real needed” rest day.

Am I saying that all rest days are bad? Of course not. Am I saying that rest can be weaponized to hide from your fear of moving through what you’re feeling or where you want to go? Yes.

Seeing this behavior as the default setting that it is, I’m giving myself the option of being a better tryer when it comes to moving through the seemingly lightless world that wants to keep me on my couch. I’m allowing myself the option of starting slowly and trying a bit of movement to see if it helps or hurts how I feel.

My movement can be physical like taking the dogs for a walk or doing an actual workout that I like. My movement can be housebound like setting a timer for an hour and speed cleaning my house or doing one chore I’ve been avoiding. My movement can be having friends over to drink wine and puzzle our hearts out. My movement can be writing what I want to write about or starting a woodburning panel that empowers me, like the work in progress shown at the top of this blog. My movement can be getting my finances in order.

Honestly, it doesn’t matter what the movement is as long as it’s moving me forward in any aspect of my life. Taking off the requirements of how much I have to get done in a day in order for it to “count” has actually led to a lot more getting done.

At the end of the day, even if I grumble the entire time, I always feel better. And in this current world where everything feels sad and dark and heavy, I will pretty much try anything to keep standing.

Even puzzles.